My abiding dislike of Hucknall is rather more prurient, harking back to the days when he was having a relationship of alleged sexual nature with the lovely Steffi Graf, owner of the greatest legs in sports. I don’t usually picture the copulation of famous people (much less non-famous folks), but upon learning of this revolting mismatch, my mind involuntarily conjured the image of Hucknall on top of the lovely Steffi Graf, his transluscent sweaty arse, polka-dotted with freckles and postules, heaving and thrusting, thrusting and heaving, before delivering his ace (note the entirely unexpected and not at all lazy tennis pun here. But be thankful I did not stoop to the level of opening up the red box, as Hucknall has in song). If I was a sex therapist, this would be the image I’d recommend to young men as a mental remedy to the affliction of premature ejaculation, perhaps photoshopped to replace the lovely Steffi Graf with Margaret Thatcher.
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4 comments:
Hunknal is one of those singers I, as a soul music aficionado, tend to give a pass to mostly because of the Picture Book album. There's is some great stuff on that album and I still play it often. But I also like his cover of Barry White's "It's only love. I remember it was a hit on Black radio here in New York and he made it his own. I love that tribal beat on "Fairground," a gem of a track that should have been a hit here in the states. I agree that when he bothers, he's a great singer. But I, frankly, have never seen Simply Red in the racks of folks who like Celine and Bolton. But I've seen Hucknal next to Pendergrass, Smokey Robinson, Redding, Gaye. Anyway, I don't think he's really as offensive soul as you make him out to be.
Hydrino
Full disclosure: I own a bunch of Simply Red CDs, although I don't listen to the more recent ones very much. You have hit a number of essential tracks here, particularly "For Your Babies," which is the best thing Simply Red ever did apart from the title, which is terrible.
Hahaha, soooo funny to read your perception of Hucknall-in-love. Especially if I compare it to my own memories. In 1985 I received my first real kiss, standing right outside the frontdoor of a school party. It was dark, it seemed there was nothing in the world except for this kiss and the sound of 'Holding back the years' - that was played inside at the party and seemed to fill the whole school yard. We kissed and we kissed until the song was over and then decided to enter the party. And after all these years, still, if I hear this song, there's butterflies in my stomach. Not even your picturing of Hucknall copulating can overrule that feeling, hahaha.
I was having coffee with my boss this morning when "If You Don't Know Me By Now" came on the radio, and he had to stop what he was saying to tell me how much he hated this song.
I admire him so much more now.
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